


Somebody to Love

by Of_stars_and_moon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mention of Death, Remus has crutches in the first two chapters and that's basically how Sirius gets to know him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-02-10 07:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18655819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_stars_and_moon/pseuds/Of_stars_and_moon
Summary: Sirius turned to Remus and his breath caught in his throat as he realised how close their faces were. Remus was staring back at him, the amber of his eyes looking like a shade of gold. Sirius’ gaze flickered down Remus’ face, his freckles and rested on Remus’ slightly parted lips. His heart hammered in his chest as he wondered what it would be like to kiss Remus. He leaned forward slowly--(Based on a request on Tumblr about Remus with crutches and Sirius being asked to help him)





	1. Chapter 1

Sirius Black stood in the principal's office, shuffling on his toes. He had been sent to the office a lot of times. He and his friends, James and Peter were the biggest pranksters in the school and being sent to the principal's office wasn't new for him.

 

But today, he wasn't in the office due to any prank, it was because the principal wanted Sirius to help the boy sitting besides him. The boy had curly brown hair falling over his forehead, amber eyes that kept flickering around the room, and freckles across his cheeks.

 

The boy, Remus Lupin, as the principal had told Sirius, had crutches as he had been through an accident. There were also some scars on his arms, neck and face, probably due to the accident, Sirius thought. 

 

Sirius had seen Remus in classes many times, but he hadn't noticed him before.

 

“Remus Lupin may have to be with crutches for two or three weeks,” the principal told Sirius. “I hope you will help him for the time being.”

 

“Yes, sir. I surely will,” Sirius agreed. He turned to Remus and smiled, who gave him a small relieved smile in return.

 

\-----

 

“So, is it okay to ask how you got into an accident?” Sirius asked as they left the principal's office and were walking to the class. Sirius was holding both his and Remus’ books.

 

Remus sighed. “I was in a car with my… with one of my friends and we collided with a truck and… I don't really remember much after that.” 

 

Sirius winced inwardly, regretting asking the question. “Your friend, is he?” 

 

“He is okay. He was also injured, but he is fine now,” Remus murmured. 

 

“That's good,” Sirius said. They walked silently for the rest of the way.

 

As they entered the classroom, James and Peter were sitting on their usual seat. 

 

“Hey, Sirius!” James greeted him. He frowned as his eyes settled on Remus. “Who's this?” 

 

“He is Remus Lupin,” Sirius said. “And I am going to help him for some weeks as he is injured.” 

 

James turned back to Remus and smiled. “Alright. I am James Potter and this is Peter Pettigrew.” He nodded towards Peter, who gave an encouraging smile to Remus.

 

“It's nice to meet you,” Peter said. 

 

“It's nice to meet you as well,” Remus said.

 

They sat down on the seat behind James and Peter. “How many days of school did you miss?” Sirius asked as he handed Remus his books. 

 

“Over a week,” Remus replied. 

 

“I can help you catch up with studies during our free classes,” Sirius offered. 

 

“You… You don't need to do that… It's not,” Remus began.

 

“It's fine. I want to help you,” Sirius cut him off.

 

“Thanks,” Remus gave him a fond look that made Sirius’ heart flutter, though yet he had no idea why.

 

\----

 

After just some classes, Sirius came to the realization that he loved spending time with Remus a lot. Remus was probably one of the funniest and sweetest persons Sirius had ever talked to. He couldn't quite understand how he had became friends with Remus so fast and what drew him to the other boy, until James asked him about it. 

 

They were sitting in the maths class. Remus didn't take this class with them, so Sirius was a bit anxious.

 

“James, are you sure he will be doing fine in the class alone?” Sirius asked. 

 

“Sirius, you've asked me the same question a hundred times now,” James replied. “I am sure he is fine. And Evans takes the class as well. From what I think, they are good friends, she will help him.” 

 

“Alright,” Sirius muttered. 

 

“I hadn't thought you would get along with him so fast,” James commented. 

 

Sirius shrugged. “He's really nice… He's funny and sweet.” 

 

“Sounds like someone has a crush,” James teased. 

 

Sirius might have responded with some snarky remark if his mind wasn't so busy thinking over James’ words. 

 

Could he have a crush on Remus? He did like Remus a lot. The other boy had something about him that drew Sirius towards him. Thinking of Remus now made him realize that he did actually have a crush on Remus. 

 

Fuck! What was he going to do?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Birthday chapter for the lovely and kind Rosie! I love you so much! And I hope you like this! <3 <3

Two weeks later, 

 

Sirius and Remus were walking through a corridor, Sirius talking enthusiastically about a prank he had pulled off last year. Among the other things he loved about Remus, him listening to all of Sirius’ stupid things was one of Sirius’ favourites. 

 

“Oh! Look what we have here.” Sirius and Remus turned around at Rosier's voice. He was standing with Snape and Mulciber. 

 

“What are you three doing here? Don't you have anything else to do?” Sirius asked. 

 

“Shut up.” Mulciber glared at him. “Don't you have anything else to do rather than babysit this limping bastard. I wonder why did you even take this responsibility.” 

 

Rage filling Sirius, he charged at Mulciber and punched him. Mulciber stumbled down on the floor. Sirius was about to hit another punch but a loud voice made him stop, “Black! Stop this right now!” Sirius turned around to see McGonagall walking towards them. “Punching a fellow classmate is intolerable behaviour. Meet me for detention after class. And everyone leave to your classes now.” With that McGonagall walked away, followed by Rosier, Mulciber and Snape. 

 

Remus turned to Sirius, eyes widened in shock. “Wh- Why did you do that?” 

 

Sirius shrugged. “He was talking bad about you. He couldn't just get away with talking like that about my friend.” 

 

“You will just go around fighting anyone who talks shit about my crutches?” Remus asked.

 

“Of course,” Sirius answered. 

 

Remus shook his head, smiling fondly. “Is your hand alright?” 

 

“Yeah, it's fine,” Sirius replied. “Come on, you will be late for your class.” 

 

As they reached near Remus’ next class, Sirius said, “Remus, about what Mulciber said… I don't see you as a responsibility, you know…. I mean you are my responsibility but I don't see you as a burden or I don't feel forced to help you. You're my friend and-” 

 

“I get it,” Remus said, cutting off his rant. “And thank you for everything.” His eyes were filled with love that made Sirius’ heart do a backflip. 

 

Sirius smiled. “No problem.”

 

\-----

 

“You don't look so happy,” James commented as Sirius entered the maths class. “Everything alright?” 

 

“I got detention,” Sirius replied. 

 

“Why?” James and Peter asked in unison. 

 

“Punched Mulciber-” Sirius sat down next to James, “-He was talking shit about Remus.”

 

“Shit. How did Remus react?” Peter asked. 

 

“He didn't say anything,” Sirius said. People were absolute assholes. It wasn't fair that they talked like this to others. And especially to someone like Remus. He was so kind, even after Mulciber had talked crap about him, he still didn't snap.

 

“You okay, Sirius?” James asked. “You look lost.” 

 

Sirius never kept any secret from James and Peter and lately Remus was taking up most of his thoughts. Maybe talking to them would be a good idea.

 

“From some time I… I think maybe… I think I am falling for Remus.” 

 

James and Peter glanced at each other. “Like a crush or more than that?” James asked slowly.

 

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “I don't know… I just… I just really like him… Like… I love spending time with him… And I do wonder what it would be like to be together with him… Like other couples… But… But I don't want to freak him out and lose his friendship… And it's scaring me because we have been friends only for some weeks and I am falling too fast-” 

 

“Hey! Sirius, Calm down! You're panicking!” James put a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Stop overthinking things,” Peter said. “You two are really good friends. I don't think you would lose his friendship.” 

 

“Yeah, and he seems to like you as well,” James added. 

 

Sirius inhaled deeply, feeling a bit relieved. 

 

“You know, after he gets better again, why don't you ask him out?” James suggested. 

 

“You… You think it's a good idea?” Sirius asked. 

 

“Yeah, of course.” 

 

“And that way you can find out if he is interested,” Peter said.

 

“Yeah, alright,” Sirius agreed, “I will do that when he gets better” He smiled gratefully at them. “Thank you both.” 

 

\-----

 

“Your dad isn't here yet?” Sirius asked as he and Remus were standing outside the school, Sirius was holding Remus’ bag. Lyall Lupin used to come to pick up Remus everyday, but today his car was nowhere to be seen. 

 

Remus shook his head. “He should have been here by now, I don't know…” He drifted off as his phone beeped. He sat down on a bench, placing his crutches besides him and took out his phone. “Ah, shit,” he muttered. 

 

“What happened?” Sirius asked. 

 

“My dad is busy in his office. He won't be able to come here. I will take the bus now.” 

 

“But how will you manage all by yourself? I can come with you,” Sirius suggested. 

 

Remus bit his lip. “Are you sure? You might be late because of me.” 

 

“Nah, it's fine. It's not like I have anything important to do at home.” 

 

“Alright. Thanks.” 

 

“Stop thanking me for every small thing. Let's go,” Sirius said and they started walking to the nearby bus stop.

 

\----

 

The bus stopped after sometime and some passengers started getting down from the bus. Remus looked out the window at the ocean wistfully.

 

“Why the long face, Remus?” Sirius asked.

 

“I used to come here often,” Remus replied in a sad voice, “Before…. Before the accident.” 

 

“Well, we can go there if you want.” 

 

Remus turned to him. “Really?” 

 

“Yeah, of course. Why not?” 

 

Remus smiled softly and they went down from the bus.

 

As they walked towards the water, Remus looked around the area, smiling brightly. Sirius’ heart warmed at the fact that he made Remus happy.

 

“Here we are,” Remus said. The sun was setting down and seemed to be disappearing into the ocean, giving out an orange glow everywhere. “I used to sit here every evening and see the sunset,” Remus said.

 

“Come on, let's sit then.” Sirius helped Remus sit down against the bark of a tree and sat down himself. 

 

They watched the sunset in comfortable silence, the chirping of birds and the splashing of the water on the shore the only sounds around them.

 

“It's beautiful,” Sirius muttered in awe.

 

“It reminds me of all the previous times I used to come here,” Remus said, “Whenever I wanted to be alone.”

 

“So, the is like your 'alone place’?” Sirius asked. They both were still looking at the sunset.

 

“Yeah,” Remus admitted. 

 

“And you just brought me here along with you?” 

 

“Well, you are different,” Remus said. 

 

“How?” The sun was almost set now and the sky was a shade of orange and purple.

 

“Well, firstly I couldn't have come here without you,” Remus stated, “And secondly, it's better to be here with you than to be alone.” 

 

Sirius turned to Remus and his breath caught in his throat as he realised how close their faces were. Remus was staring back at him, the amber of his eyes looking like a shade of gold. Sirius’ gaze flickered down Remus’ face, his freckles and rested on Remus’ slightly parted lips. His heart hammered in his chest as he wondered what it would be like to kiss Remus. He leaned forward slowly--

 

The text alert of Remus’ phone made them both jump slightly, bringing Sirius back to the earth. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking back to the ocean. The sky looked purple now.

 

“It's my dad,” Remus said. “He is asking why I am not home yet. We should leave. It's getting late.” 

 

Sirius helped Remus stand up and hold the crutches. They walked to the bus stop in uncomfortable silence. 

 

As they reached the bus stop, Remus said, “I will go on my own from here. You can go now.” 

 

“Are you sure you will manage it?” Sirius asked. “I can still accompany you and then take the next bus to go back home.” 

 

Remus shook his head. “No. It's fine, really.”

 

“Okay, if you say so-” Sirius helped Remus get on the bus. “-See you tomorrow at school.” He smiled at Remus. 

 

“See you. And thanks a lot for today… I really loved it,” Remus said. 

 

“Yeah, me too.” 

 

As the bus left, Sirius let out an exhale. Damn. He was falling too fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am kinda nervous about this, so let me know what you all think!! <3 <3


	3. Chapter 3

Two weeks later, 

 

Sirius stood near the main gate of the school, eyes searching through the students anxiously. Yesterday, Remus had messaged him, mentioning that he didn't need crutches anymore.

 

Sirius’ gaze found Remus and he noticed that Remus was walking without the crutches. “Remus!” he squealed in delight and ran towards Remus, taking him in a bone-crushing hug. “How are you feeling now?” he asked as he stepped back. 

 

“Never been better,” Remus replied, smiling cheerfully. “Where are James and Peter, by the way?” 

 

“They went to class. Come on.” Out of habit, Sirius held out his hands to help Remus.

 

Remus laughed softly. “I don't have crutches anymore, you know.” 

 

“Yeah, I got to let go of the habit,” Sirius said sheepishly. They started walking towards the class, Remus talking about his appointment with the doctor. They reached the classroom, James and Peter were sitting there. As they saw Sirius and Remus, they grinned happily, walking towards them. 

 

“Remus! It's so good to see you all fine and good!” James exclaimed. 

 

“How are you now?” Peter asked. 

 

“Good,” Remus replied. “It feels great to finally be able to walk properly again.” 

 

The teacher entered the class and they all quickly took their seats.

 

\----

 

Later as the day ended and Remus left the class, James and Peter turned to Sirius giving him an impatient look 

 

“What? Why are you two looking at me like this?” Sirius asked. 

 

“Remus is fine now,” James stated. 

 

“Yeah and?” Sirius had no idea what James was going on about.

 

“So, go and ask him out,” Peter said. 

 

“What?!” Sirius’ eyes widened with shock and realization. “Wha-- How will I do that-- I- I don't-” 

 

“Don't you dare come up with some excuse.” James glared at him. “Go and ask him out for coffee or dinner.” 

 

Before Sirius could reply, Peter spoke, “We are both sick of seeing your ‘heart eye’ at him and then talking about his eyes, his hair and his smile all the damn time!” 

 

Sirius sighed in defeat. “Alright, I will ask him out.” 

 

James and Peter wore identical grins. “Remus wouldn't have left school yet, so go after him,” James said. 

 

“Right now?!” Sirius exclaimed in horror. He needed at least a day to be prepared for this nerve wracking experience.

 

“Yes, we know you will bitch/ out later,” Peter stated. “And we won't let you.” 

 

“Alright, I am going,” Sirius huffed and left the classroom. With every step, the hammering of his heart kept increasing.

 

Remus was standing in a corridor, looking down at his phone. As Sirius walked to him, he looked up. “Hey, Sirius. You need something?” 

 

It felt like Sirius’ mouth had gone dry. He licked his lips and took a slow breath. “Actually… There is… There is something I wanted to ask you.” 

 

“Sure, what is it?” Remus looked at him curiously, waiting for a reply.

 

“...um… Are you free tonight?” 

 

“Yeah, I am. Why?” 

 

“I was… I was wondering-” Sirius ran a hand through his hair. 'God, get yourself together, Sirius. It's nothing to be freaking out about,’ he said to himself. He realised that he hadn't said anything and that Remus was waiting for a reply, so he cleared his throat. “Iwaswonderingifyouwanttogooutwithme,” he rambled in one breath. 

 

Remus’ face scrunched up in confusion. He looked very adorable like this, Sirius’ mind supplied. “Sorry, I didn't get that,” Remus said. “Could you say that again?” 

 

Fuck. Now he had to repeat it?! God! This was harder than he had thought. Why were his legs and hands trembling so much? And why couldn't his heart beat slower? “I… I was wondering if you would like to go out with me for coffee or dinner?” 

 

Remus blinked once. Then again. After what felt like an eternity to Sirius, he said, “You're asking me out on a date?” 

 

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck nervously, feeling his cheeks burning up. “...um… Yeah, if you… If you want to?” 

 

“Okay...uh… Dinner sounds good,” Remus replied. 

 

Sirius barely managed to stop himself from yelping in excitement. “So, I will message you the place and time,” he suggested.

 

“Okay, sounds nice,” Remus agreed. “I should get going now. See you tonight.”

 

“Yeah, see you tonight.” Sirius stood there and watched as Remus walked away, his heart finally calming down.

 

\------

 

Sirius stood near the window glaring at first droplets of rain falling outside. He never liked rain and now he hated it more than anything else.

 

“Sirius, what's wrong?” James asked from where he was sitting on the bed along with Peter. 

 

Sirius turned his deathly glare to James now. “Oh, I wonder what's wrong?” he muttered sarcastically. “Maybe it's the fact that it has started raining when I am supposed to go on my first date with Remus!” 

 

“Well, it's not a storm, you know” Peter said, “It's just rain.” 

 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I don't care. What if it ruins my outfit? Or my hair?” He turned towards the mirror, he was just wearing his usual outfit, denim jeans, a white t-shirt and his leather jacket. Even after trying out different outfits for more than an hour, none of which seemed to work, he had settled on this. Since he had cut his hair recently, he had let it open.

 

“You could take an umbrella, you know,” James offered.

 

“Yeah, you are right. But still, I don't like rain.” 

 

“Then it's settled. You should be leaving now,” James said. “You might be late otherwise.” 

 

Sirius took a deep breath. “Pray for me that I don't mess it up and wish me luck.” 

 

They both gave him a thumbs up and Sirius left the room. 

 

\----

 

Sirius sat in the restaurant, eyes darting to the door every minute. He was bouncing his leg nervously as he waited for Remus. He had been here for hardly five minutes, but he was already wondering if Remus was going to show up. What if he wouldn't come? Outside, the rain was falling heavily.

 

He looked back towards the door and his heart leapt up in his throat as he saw Remus coming in. He was wearing a grey hood with black jeans. His hair was damp with rain. Damn. He looked breathtakingly gorgeous. He walked to Sirius, smiling shyly.

 

“Hey,” Sirius breatmessie.

 

“Hi. I am not late, am I?” 

 

“No, Not at all,” Sirius answered. “I have just been here for some minutes.” 

 

“Okay.” Remus sat down and ruffled his hair, messing it up even more. The raindrops were sliding down his face and neck, disappearing under his collar. Sirius wondered what it would be like to trail his lips along-

 

“Good evening.” The waiter's voice shook Sirius out of his trance. He looked up at the waiter, who was smiling at them politely. “Can I have your order?” 

 

They both gave their orders and the waiter left Remus' phone beeped with a text alert He looked down at his phone, smiling softly, "It's my dad. He is asking if I am having fun." 

 

"Do you have any siblings? Your dad seems to shower you with love." 

 

"No, I don't have any siblings. I am an only child." 

 

"Must be nice," Sirius thought out loud, "Getting all your parent's love." 

 

Remus' smile faltered that made Sirius wonder if he had said something wrong, but then the smile was back again. "Yeah, it is. What about you? You have any siblings." 

 

"Well…" Sirius fiddled with his food. He and Remus had been friends for almost a month now. He could share this with Remus. "I had a brother, Regulus but… I ran away from home last year and we don't talk anymore." 

 

"Oh I… I am sorry-" 

 

"It's fine," Sirius interrupted him. "I have James now and his mum and dad love me like a second son… So I am really happy with them… They are amazing." 

 

Remus smiled. "It's good that you have them. Would it be okay to ask why did you leave them?" 

 

"My parents weren't really the loving type… They cared more about their status in the society than their sons… I didn't agree with their views and that had consequences… One day, it got more than I could bear, so I ran away," Sirius explained. 

 

Remus placed his hand on Sirius'. "I am glad you are happy now." 

 

Sirius smiled warmly. "Yeah, me too." 

 

\-----

 

The rest of the date passed nicely. As they left the restaurant, Sirius swore at the rain pelting outside. "Damn! I hate rain!" he complained. 

 

"I didn't even bring an umbrella," Remus said. 

 

Sirius took out his umbrella. "We could share." His heart skipped a beat as Remus stepped closer to him under the umbrella. They started walking to the nearby bus stop, shoulders brushing. 

 

"Why do you hate rain?" Remus asked. 

 

"I don't know, It's cold and it soaks all my clothes… You like rain?" he asked Remus.

 

"Yeah, I love it. I love standing in the rain." 

 

Sirius shrugged. "I never see the fun in getting all soaked in rain." 

 

"Really?" Remus stopped walking and turned to him. Sirius had barely registered the challenge and glint of mischief in Remus' eyes before there was rain pouring over him as Remus moved the umbrella. He yelped as the cold rain seeped through his collar. 

 

"Remus, you bastard!" Siriustruthfu.

 

Remus grinned. "Run to the bus stop or you will be soaked with rain." 

 

They ran to the bus stop, laughing breathlessly. 

 

"Do you like the rain now?" Remus asked, as they reached the bus stop.

 

Sirius shook his hair. "I don't see why I would like the rain when I am dripping with cold water," he complained but couldn't stop the smile on his lips. "All my hair is ruined now." 

 

"I think you still look okay," Remus said, stepping closer.

 

Sirius' heart fluttered, but he took a step forward as well. "Just 'okay'?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

 

"Well, to be honest, I think you look more than 'okay'." Remus brushed a strand of Sirius' hair, tucking it behind his ear. His hand lingered on Sirius' neck and did Sirius' brain just made it up or did Remus' eyes flicker down to his lips.

 

His heart beating crazily, he leaned forward slowly. As his lips touched Remus', it felt like his heart stopped beating but at the same time, he felt as if it would beat out of his chest.

 

It ended as quickly as it had began and suddenly Remus was pulling back. "Sirius, I can't-" 

 

Sirius' breath hitched in his throat. "What?" 

 

Remus stepped back, expressions guarded  
Sirius didn't notice the bus stopping there till Remus walked away and stepped on the bus. 

 

As the bus drove off, Sirius felt a cold wind washing over him. He felt frozen, like he couldn't even breath. His phone rang in his pocket and he took it out to see that it was James. His throat was choked but he picked it up.

 

"Hey, Sirius! How was the date?" James asked in an excited voice.

 

Sirius licked his lips, blinking against the blurry vision. "It was okay." He didn't want James to worry about him, but he couldn't stop the tremor in his voice. 

 

"Sirius? Are you okay?" Damn. James would always understand when something was wrong with Sirius. He could hear Peter's worried murmur of 'James? What's wrong?' through the phone.

 

"I… I think I messed it up," he said shortly. Fuck. He couldn't cry right now.

 

"Do you want me to come pick you up?" James asked after a pause.

 

"If you could… I am at the bus stop near the restaurant." 

 

"Alright." There was the sound of jingling of keys and thuds of door opening. "I will be there soon." He could hear the urgency in James' voice.

 

"Okay, thanks," Sirius muttered, quickly dropping the phone and putting it in his pocket. He walked away from the roof of the bus stop and stood under the rain, letting it pour over him. 

 

What had gone wrong? Had he misunderstood all the signs? He had thought that Remus liked him as well, the date had been going good, but suddenly everything was ruined now. 

 

The tears escaped finally, trailing down his cheeks along with the raindrops. He bit his lip, swallowing down the sobs. 

 

'Cause baby, when you're gone  
All it does is rain, rain, rain down on me  
Each drop is pain, pain, pain when you leave  
It's such a shame we fucked it up, you and me  
'Cause baby, when you're gone  
All it does is rain'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone see that coming ;-)  
> Let me know what you all thought of it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter contains mentions of accident and death

Sirius stared up at the ceiling, eyes sore as he wasn't able to sleep much at night. There was a dull headache building up in his skull. He rubbed his eyes as be heard his friends speaking outside the room.

 

"I don't know how to help him. He won't say anything much," James was saying.

 

"And even when we came back in the car yesterday, he wasn't talking," Peter added. "What would have gone wrong?" 

 

"I don't know… I told mum and dad that he is just feeling sick that's why he didn't come down for breakfast… Do you think we should try to talk to him again?" 

 

"Okay, let's try it," Peter agreed. 

 

As the door clicked open, Sirius turned towards the wall, shutting his eyes. The bed dipped down besides him as James and Peter sat down.

 

"Sirius? Are you awake?" James nudged him gently.

 

Sirius sighed and turned around to face them. 

 

"Do you want to eat anything?" Peter asked. "We could bring breakfast here for you." 

 

Sirius managed a smile. "No, it's fine… I am not hungry." 

 

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" James was looking at him with concern filled in his eyes. 

 

Sirius sat up against the headboard of the bed. "I don't even know myself... The dinner was good… But at the bus stop I… I kissed him but he pulled back and walked away and I think I freaked him out… maybe he wasn't really interested in me… And now I don't know how to get over it… I feel so lost and empty." There were tears stinging at the back of his eyes. He pressed his palms to his eyelids. No. He wouldn't cry again over it. "I… I think I am in love with him," he uttered the words that were running in his mind the whole night. 

 

They were silent for some moments before James spoke, "I am sorry Sirius… It's all my fault." 

 

"Maybe we shouldn't have forced you to ask him out." Peter' voice was filled with guilt. 

 

"Guys, it's okay… You didn't do anything wrong. You just… You just wanted me to be happy… But I rushed things and messed everything up… But maybe things will be better," he said, unconvinced himself. "Anyway, you two should leave for college… I will eat something when I am hungry." 

 

"We can take the day off and stay here if you want?" Peter suggested.

 

"No, it's fine… You two should go… I will be fine," he lied, whereas he felt far from being fine.

 

"Do you want us to talk to Remus?" James asked.

 

"No! No, there's no need to do that," Sirius argued. Maybe it's better to just let it go." 

 

They both looked worried but agreed. "If you need anything, just call us," Peter said.

 

"Okay, I'll do that… You two should go now, otherwise you will be late." 

 

They got up from Sirius' bed and walked out of the room. Sirius let out a sigh and laid down again, hoping to get some sleep.

 

\----

 

Sirius sat in the living room, watching the television, trying to distract himself from his thoughts. 

 

He wasn't able to fall asleep and he had decided that moping in his room the whole day wouldn't be a good thing. So he showered and had something to eat. Now he was sitting here idly. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about it, about all the different ways the date could have gone if he hadn't kissed Remus, if he hadn't fucked up.

 

He glanced at the clock. It was almost 2 p.m. James and Peter would be back from school soon. Besides him, his phone rang. It was an unknown number. 

 

He picked it up. "Hello?" 

 

"Hello, Sirius. It's Lily." Lily was Remus' best friend and neighbor. Sirius had talked to her often during classes. She was also the girl that James had a crush on for years. 

 

"Yeah?" Sirius frowned, wondering why Lily would call him. 

 

"You weren't at school today, were you?" she inquired.

 

"No, I wasn't. Why are you asking?" 

 

"Is Remus with you?" 

 

"No, he isn't… Why would he be with me?" he muttered.

 

"Fuck, He wasn't at school today and he wasn't even at home," Lily said, worry and fear filled in her voice. 

 

Sirius tensed. "Don't you know where he is?" 

 

"No, he isn't picking up his phone." Lily's voice broke slightly. "His dad is getting stressed and I don't know where to find him." 

 

"Lily, where are you?" Sirius asked, hurriedly getting up. He had a really bad feeling about this.

 

"I am at Remus' home with his dad," she answered. 

 

"Wait, I'll be there," Sirius said and dropped the phone. He put in his jacket and left the home.

 

\----

 

Sirius stood outside the Lupins' home and knocked on the door. The door opened and Lily was standing there, looking more distraught than she sounded on the phone. She lead him inside to the living room where Mister Lupin was pacing around. 

 

"I have called all of our friends. Remus isn't with them. And since you two were together yesterday night, I thought you would know," Lily stated. "I am sorry for bringing you in this." 

 

"No, it's fine," Sirius mumbled. He thought back to last night, the kiss. Was Remus angry because of that? Did he not go to college so he wouldn't have to face Sirius? But why wouldn't he stay at home? "Did he say anything when he came back yesterday night?" 

 

Lily shrugged. "He came back late. Mister Lupin said he looked really worn out and just went to sleep. He left really early in the morning." Lily let out a breath. "I was dreading today for such a long time, but I hadn't thought that this would happen." 

 

Sirius opened his mouth to ask her what she meant but suddenly her phone rang. "Wait- It's one of Remus' friends," she said and picked up the phone, walking away. 

 

Sirius turned to Mister Lupin. "Mister Lupin, what- what was Lily talking about? What is today?" 

 

Mister Lupin sat down on a sofa. “It's… Today is the first death anniversary of Remus’ mother.” 

 

It felt like someone had just punched Sirius in the stomach. “...What?” 

 

“She passed away last year due to cancer,” Mister Lupin muttered. 

 

Shit. That's why Remus never talked about her much and that's why he looked upset from some days.

 

“We knew that today would be very hard for him… We had thought we would be around him and help him… but we don't know where he is,” Mister Lupin said and dropped his head in his hands.

 

Sirius ran his hands through his hair, thinking about where Remus could be. Where? 

 

The ocean! He remembered the time they had went to the ocean. Remus had said it was the place he would go to when he wanted to be alone. 

 

"Mister Lupin, I think I know where to find Remus." 

 

“You do?” Mister Lupin's tearful eyes filled with hope.

 

Sirius nodded. “Yeah… Don't worry… You stay here with Lily. I promise I will bring your son back."

 

He left the house. His mind was racing with thoughts, he couldn't even think about getting on the bus. He ran throughout the way to the ocean, lungs burning with the lack of air. His legs hurt from running but he couldn't stop. As he reached the place where he and Remus had sat, he looked around frantically. Remus was standing a few feet away, looking at the sunset. 

 

Sirius heaved a sigh of relief and walked towards him, placing his hand on Remus’ shoulder. Remus turned to him and Sirius’ breath hitched as he noticed that Remus’ eyes were red rimmed and there were dark circles around his eyes.

 

“Remus, I am here now,” Sirius whispered. “You're not alone.” 

 

“Sirius, what are you doing here?” 

 

“Lily called me, she and your dad were looking everywhere for you… I know about your mother. Re, I am so sorry to hear that.” 

 

Remus shook his head, taking a step back. “It's okay… I am fine… You can leave now… You should go.”

 

Sirius frowned. It was obvious that Remus was far from being fine. “Wha- No. I can't just leave without you. Let's go back together.” 

 

“No, Sirius. I just want to be alone, I can't-” 

 

“You don't have to be alone, Remus.” Sirius stepped forward and placed his hand on the side of Remus’ neck.

 

Remus shut his eyes. “I can't have this,” he said, voice shaking. 

 

“Yes, Re. You can. We can,” Sirius tried on. “Remus, I… I love you.” 

 

Remus flinched as though the words had burnt him. He shook his head and took another step back. “No. No, don't say that. You can't love me. ” 

 

“I do, Remus… I love you.” Sirius’ eyes stung with tears. “Remus, please, please don't push me away. Why are you doing this to me? To us?” 

 

Remus averted his gaze to the ocean. “I had lied to you,” he whispered in such a timid voice that Sirius almost missed the words.

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“When I had the crutches and you had asked how I got into the accident. I had lied... It wasn't my friend’s car. It was my dad's… and my friend was driving… We were arguing… I was the one who had started it… and John didn't notice the truck coming from the wrong way,” Remus paused like saying all this was hurting him and took a deep breath. “He didn't make it.” 

 

Sirius’ heart sank, entire body freezing.

 

Remus closed his eyes as tears started falling down his cheeks. “I can't forgive myself. I wish it was me. It should have been me.” His voice was choked with tears.

 

“Remus,” Sirius breathed out. He stepped forward and pulled him in, wrapping his arms around Remus’. Remus clung to him as sobs overcame him. Sirius held him close as he cried, tears falling on Sirius’ shoulder. Each sob was a knife to Sirius’ chest. He felt useless. He wanted to be of more help. He wanted to make all Remus’ pain and grief go away. He wanted to make Remus felt better.

 

As Remus’ sobs slowed down, he pulled back. “I am sorry I-” 

 

“Hey, you don't have to apologize,” Sirius said. He wiped Remus’ tears, cupping his face. “Re, I can't even imagine what you must be going through but I want to help you… I want to be with you… Please, please don't push me away. Remember the first time we came here? You said ‘It's better to be here with me than to be on your own.’ Remus, I feel better when I am with you… I… I want to be with you. You don't have to go through this alone.” 

 

Remus sniffed. “I am scared of my feelings. I have already fallen for you. I am scared that I will fall in too deep but then I'll lose you.” 

 

“You don't have to be scared,” Sirius assured him. “I am not going anywhere. I will always be with you.” 

 

Relief washed over Remus’ face. “Yeah?” 

 

“Yeah.” Sirius smiled. 

 

Remus’ eyes filled with love and happiness before he shut them, closing the gap between them.

 

Sirius had never been this dazed before. His eyes drifted close as he kissed him back, cradling Remus face in his hands. 

 

When they finally pulled back for air, Sirius’ mind was reeling from the fact that Remus Lupin had actually kissed him! 

 

Remus let out a watery chuckle, eyes filled with disbelief. 

 

“What?” Sirius asked. 

 

“Nothing, it's just… I can't believe this is truly happening.” 

 

“Yeah, me neither.” Sirius bumped his nose with Remus’, smiling happily. “But it is happening and you're stuck with me now.” 

 

Remus hummed, shrugging his shoulders. “I think I will be able to handle you." 

 

Sirius grinned and held Remus’ hand, intertwining their fingers. “Let's go back now?” 

 

Remus nodded, with a teary yet bright smile. Sirius realized that he would do anything just for that smile. 

 

"Sirius?" 

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"I love you, too," Remus whispered. 

 

Sirius closed his eyes against the overwhelming emotions and exhaled a shaky breath. He leaned in capturing Remus' lips in another kiss. 

 

'Oh I can't believe it's true sometimes.  
Oh I can't believe it's true.  
I get to love you.  
It's the best thing that I'll ever do.  
I get to love you.  
It's a promise I'm making to you:  
Whatever may come your heart I will choose  
Forever I'm yours, Forever I do.  
I get to love you'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was the last chapter! Hope you all liked it! Comments and Kudos are really appreciated! They make my day! ♥♥  
> And my Tumblr is  
> [ "Of-stars-and-moon"](https://of-stars-and-moon.tumblr.com/)


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